Breaking Bad (Habits)

I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do…I do what I do not want to do. –Romans 7:15-16

Try to say that verse three times fast!  How about just one more time, slowly enough that it makes sense.  I wish I had no idea what Paul is talking about.  But I do.  What about you?

Here’s my personalized version of Paul’s words: I do not understand why I always procrastinate.  For what I want to do is get things done early but I don’t.  I hate procrastinating but I do it time and time again.  

What’s your personalized version?  What do you do over and over again, despite the fact that you hate yourself for doing it?  Are you always late, controlling, impatient, driving too fast, eating fast food, irritated with others, or always putting things off… like me?  

As I write this blog post, I’m surrounded by boxes and bins filled with things that need to be unpacked from our summer “Peacock Palace” rental house.  We rented a house in Boulder for the summer so our teenagers would be closer to work and friends.  The place got its nickname after the peacocks that live next door, the ones that squawk all night.  The constantly running fans we used to drown out their noise is a big reason why our electric bill almost doubled.  I won’t miss these feathered friends.  

In order to fund the summer in-town living, we rented out our mountain house.  What was I thinking?  I’m supposed to have written, printed, and bound Ascent Church’s Fall Bible Study by now.  Instead I’m moving clutter from one house to another.  YES!  I’ve known all summer that we move out the end of August and the Bible Study starts September 6^th.  I’ve had plenty of time to prepare, but instead I’ll panic because I procrastinated.  

I want to scream at myself, “STOP IT!”

When I looked further into Paul’s words, I see that his cry is more than one man’s frustration about bad habits and choices.  He was communicating every person’s struggle between staying the same or being transformed by God into Jesus’ image.  We all know Jesus was never late or impatient.  He never drove his camel too fast, ate junk food, or procrastinated.  Jesus was and is perfect.  We are not (sorry if you’ve been striving.) Paul shared his struggle so we’d know that transformation is a process that takes time.  It requires God’s strength, which is well beyond our own.  

I now look at Paul’s words as a humble acknowledgement.  He’s admitting that no matter how smart he is, what degrees he’s obtained, or what scholarly awards he’s won, he will always have an area of his life that needs God’s hand upon it.  And so do we.  

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